Friday, October 14, 2011

The Princess Guide: No One Can Replace Your Mom

I remember when Mom passed away and several people told us they'd fill her gap for us.  We were "theirs."  I can't tell you how comforting that was at the time.  And really, I had no idea how much we'd need that.

The crazy thing is -- no one can ever really do that. No one can completely fill the void you have after losing your Mom.  But you know what?  While no ONE person has filled that void, several people who don't even know each other have combined forces to at least make sure it's not quite as big as it once was.

It didn't happen immediately. And some of it was trial and error.  And some of what we need has changed over time.  Four years ago I was a MESS.  I needed to be held up and helped up and all sorts of things.  As time has passed, I'm not such a MESS anymore.  And some of my friendships have adjusted, I guess you'd say, to take that into account.

I can't possibly name everyone who has stepped in to fill that gap.  Over time, Kayren has become the person I go to the most when I need to share -- good, bad, you name it.  We talk about five - 10 times a day -- thank goodness for free long-distance!

Kayren has the amazing talent of listening, and offering insight -- but not offering instruction.  You know I hate being told what to do.

My Aunt Dot is another one who has stepped in -- and I'm getting big, fat tears in my eyes just writing about that.  She is AMAZING.  She has been such a support to me and to Team Tiara -- everyone on Team Tiara.  And that really cute shirt in today's picture? She sent that to me!  When I put out the call for more Pink Shirts, I really didn't think anyone would help -- but she did!  (A'Lise sent me one, too -- but I'm still about 5 lbs. away from being able to wear that one.  As soon as I can, I'll share a picture!)

Aunt Dot shows in a hundred million ways how much I'm loved.  She and Uncle Lane both build me up more than they'll ever know.  And really, have you ever seen a cuter shirt????

I'm not someone that lives life with a lot of regrets.  I don't sit on the couch eating bon-bons, and I never get bored.  That's the beauty of being ADD.  One of my great regrets, though, would be that I never knew my sweet friend Ruthie saw me as another daughter.  She never told me because she didn't want me to think she was trying to replace my Mom.

But you know what?  She was another one who helped fill that void -- and while I won't be able to see her again this side of Heaven, I'll sure tell her all about that when I get there someday.  I think the highest compliment she ever gave me was when she told Kelly, "You know, D'Lyn is like a member of our family we just never get to see." 

And while Ruthie's battle with cancer was scary and terrible and her loss weighed so heavy -- I praise God for letting us see each other so often through that process. 

Ruthie's legacy to me was this "Daughter" charm, but I didn't get it until after she was gone.  I'll be wearing it on the Walk this year as I walk for two of my "Moms." 

I guess if there's a moral to this story, it's that if you know of someone who has lost their Mom -- particularly at a younger age -- they will have this incredibly huge void.  Please don't hesitate to step in and fill that void.  Those of you who do are just precious. 


Kayren said...

Seriously what are you doing to me????!!!!! I was about to run errands and I thought I would read this real quick like... yep now I will not be able to put on my makeup at all because I am now a big fat blubbering mess! Oh and by the way... I love you!

Dot Beaty said...

Tried to "comment" earlier - forgot to sign in. But really...joining Kayren with a little emotion - just want to say how we so appreciate all you and Team Tiara do to make such a difference. We love you, and always will!
Aunt Dot & Uncle Lane

Sandy said...

Thank you so much for this. I stumbled on your blog and it's seems particularly timely that THIS is the post that first caught my attention, even though it's a couple of days old. I'm now staring at the 5 year anniversary of my mom's death and it really was exactly what I needed today. Thank you for helping me to remember that the holes are ok, and thank you for helping to fill this particular hole for me today.

D'Lyn said...

I'm so sorry about your Mom and glad this was of some help to you. This blog has been my therapy -- and there have been some pretty ugly moments. But between this and being able to throw myself into finding a CURE, I think I'm going to make it!

Big Hugs,