Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Facebook Parameters??

Okay. So the quandary that I wrote about a couple of days ago has really had me thinking about the role of Facebook in our marriages. The media tends to focus on the dangers of Facebook and MySpace where children are concerned, with all the predators lurking there. But they don't address any dangers these social networking sites might pose to our marriages.

That's probably because the media really doesn't seem to care that as a country our morals are in steep decline. Actually, that's wrong. The media does care -- why else would they promote all the morality-wreckers with such glee?

And while that's a soapbox I could stand on for hours, that's not where we're going today.

Here's the deal. I have several Facebook friends that I had minor crushes on in my growing-up, trying to figure out what I was about, years. Those of you who knew me well know there weren't many guys that crossed my path that I didn't have at least a slight crush on. So if I avoided all past crushes, there probably wouldn't be any pre-Biggsy guy-friends in my Facebook.

But there's no one there I really ever had a connection with. (Sorry!) When Biggsy and I got married, I was a virgin. (Did your jaw just drop? Didn't think those really existed?) I was. So I never had that deep connection with anyone. And while I had my heart broken a few times, I did more than my share of the "dumping" along the way. (Something I was TERRIBLE at.)

My point is (you knew there was one in here somewhere) that I feel perfectly safe with the Facebook friends I have, and Biggsy has nothing there to worry about.

BUT... what if that wasn't the case? What if you do have deep connections to friends from way back? Facebook tends to bring the past to the present. I can't help but think that people are having issues with this. If it's "on the wall" it's out there for God and Everybody to see. But what about the instant messaging or the email messages? And the fact that Facebook lets you peek into other people's lives? Do you wonder "what if?" What if you've already had a couple of instances in your marriage where you weren't faithful to your spouse?

Seriously, with the pictures my friends have posted on Facebook, lust is not an issue for me. But what if others have issues with that? What if your husband had issues with that?

I'm just wondering if in our marriages we should set up Facebook parameters. Such as no connecting with loves lost or no behind-the-scenes discussions with members of the opposite sex. Or no Facebook Friends who have a tendency to post pictures of themselves in anything other than ski bibs or muumuus?

You can tell I've been processing this, can't you?

1 comment:

TexPatriate said...

FWIW -- I don't think it's about "Facebook" parameters, per se. I think there are some people who have different ideas about boundaries, whether they are on Facebook, email, chat, or face-to-face.

It is my opinion that those with boundary issues will have them, no matter the media.